Madonna and Akeem Morris turned Venice into a high-fashion daycare

Madonna and her boyfriend Akeem Morris were spotted hand-in-hand in Venice looking like they were styled by a focus group. At 67, coordinating your high-fashion armor with a 29-year-old isn't a romantic gesture; it's a desperate attempt to maintain a brand that's already reached its expiration date. Venice has survived the plague and rising sea levels, but this level of forced aesthetic might finally be what sinks the city. I've seen better chemistry in a chemistry set, and frankly, the water taxi deserved a better class of passenger. If I ever start matching my outfit to a man who wasn't alive when 'Like a Virgin' dropped, please throw me directly into the Grand Canal.

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