UCLA Just Made Liver Damage Optional

UCLA scientists just figured out how to scrub 'zombie cells' and fix livers even when the mice ate total garbage. This is the only medical breakthrough that matters to anyone who’s ever been stuck at a VIP table after 3 AM. I’m so bored of these 'wellness' gurus preaching discipline while they’re secretly on the same surgeons’ speed-dial as me. Why bother with a detox retreat when I can just delete the biological evidence of my poor choices? UCLA basically just legalized the lifestyle I was already living. Move over Ozempic, I’m waiting for the zombie-scrub so I can order another round in Riyadh without the apology tour.

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