Project Hail Mary’s $80M Opening: A Victory for Illiteracy

Ryan Gosling’s Project Hail Mary just shattered records with an $80.6 million opening, but the internet is too busy making 'Rocky' dance memes to notice the actual film. It’s official: we’ve lost the ability to sit with silence or existential dread. Amazon MGM hands us a hard-sci-fi masterpiece about humanity’s extinction, and the 'audience' treats it like a TikTok filter. Watching a cosmic tragedy get reduced to a 'buddy comedy' because of one rhythmic alien gesture is the cinematic equivalent of putting ketchup on a Wagyu steak. I didn’t go to the premiere to watch a meme; I went to witness the sublime. Clearly, I was the only one in the theater who wasn't waiting for a punchline.

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